Wednesday, 17 September 2014


I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted,
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted,
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the make-up running down your face,
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made,
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia,
And forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you,
And the memories I never can escape.

'Cause I'm not fine at all.

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone,
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone,
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around.

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on.
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long.

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the make-up running down your face,
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made,
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia,
And forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you,
And the memories I never can escape.

If today I woke up with you right beside me,
Like all of this was just some twisted dream,
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before,
And you'd never slip away,
And you'd never hear me say.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the make-up running down your face,
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made,
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia,
And forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you,
And the memories I never can escape.

'Cause I'm not fine at all,
No, I'm really not fine at all,
Tell me this is just a dream,
'Cause I'm really not fine at all.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014


I will not cry over the same guy almost a year later.

Please, don't let me be that girl. I don't want to be pitied. I don't want to let myself go down that path.
Please, whatever you do, don't let me be her.


So, I've figured out my school stuff. I've started working out on a regular basis and will show results pictures soon. I've been doing a lot of research into the things that I enjoy. I've been gaming once again! The gaming part is a huge feat for me because after we broke up, I just wanted to avoid everything that reminded me of him... including gaming. It might sound stupid to you, but it was necessary for me.

My life has been pretty occupied I suppose. I've been busy. I've been happy most of the time. 

Most of the time.

Monday, 26 May 2014


I am a little more lost than I had imagined.

Saturday, 10 May 2014


Saturday, 3 May 2014


Update: I am turning nineteen in a couple of weeks. Eeep.

Apart from that, everything has changed, but I can't find the words.

Also, I'm throwing a huge party at the end of the month to celebrate the birthday that I said I wasn't going to celebrate this year. Sigh.

Thursday, 17 April 2014


What getting a crooked navel piercing taught me.

So, I very very recently got a navel piercing on one of my more spontaneous days. I've planned on getting one since I was fourteen and I just decided to get it on whim. If not now, when? Right? Anyways, I was far too ecstatic about having gotten the piercing that I didn't take a proper look. Now, in all fairness, the studio I got it done at was a very very reputable place. The only thing is that I didn't pay enough attention to when the lady asked me if it looked straight to me. I just said,"Yeah! Looks great!" As if I knew any better. So... I get home and take my first excited look at my new piercing.

The OCD girl in me died. I wanted to punch myself in the gut. That's how off center it felt like to me.

So, now I am faced with dealing with a crooked piercing for the rest of my life. Or... I could get it to heal up and then re-pierced.

Should I deal with this crooked piercing, it would:

  1. Serve as a constant reminder of the days when I was young and stupid.
  2. Teach me to be less OCD about life.
  3. Teach me that I'm far from perfect.
  4. Teach me that it's the small imperfections that give character sometimes.
And who knows, it could straighten up... or I could grow accustomed to its crookedness.


^that is how I feel every single time I glance down at this piercing.

Face fucking palm.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014


I graduated early for my age. I've been in university for two years now...
I've been thinking that something is missing from my life and I'm gonna take a break to go find it.

Monday, 14 April 2014


Nobody ever wakes up and says, "Hey, today I'm so over that issue."
We realize it slowly, and over time. We hardly ever realize we're over a certain issue.
But today, I realized that nothing that occurred in the past six months bothered me anymore. Nor are they relevant to me.

Getting over something takes time, and when you do, it's quite surprising.
The point is, my life went on and I am so proud of myself :)

Friday, 4 April 2014


Who knew ambiguity weighed so much?
I'm scared. Scared that I'm not going to pass and become a nurse in four years as planned.
I've wanted to be a nurse ever since I was a little girl. I'm here now. The funny thing is, I feel more as if I would be more upset that I let other people down than upset that I'd let myself down if this doesn't work out. It's horrible. And I know how devastated I would be in myself if that happened.

Main point: I'm so so afraid.

Thursday, 27 March 2014


This is going to be personal. But here it goes.

"You are the love of my life."

You do not say those words lightly.

This sentence was unexpectedly the one sentence that managed to make me feel numb in both my heart and fingertips. To be able to lose all sense of feeling, like it just ended last night. To feel so in pain, yet so numb at the same time... it's really something.

It's almost half a year now. I am so disappointed that I let some meaningless words get to me and seep into my very core. So disappointed in myself.

I didn't expect to be the girl who would wallow in self-pity. And I don't. Until the night comes and there's no one to see it.

For my sake, I vow to myself that this will fall into a vast pit of irrelevance by this summer.

And funnily enough (only to myself at least), this post happens to fall under the number seventeen. Wow.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014


"Even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme."

Monday, 24 March 2014


Eight cups of coffee in five hours. I pulled an all-nighter for a freakin' nursing paper. It's all my fault really... I should've finished it long ago. But I fell into a writer's block and I couldn't write any more. Agh. When is summer gonna be here? I know I'm going to regret asking that though, because I am nowhere near the physique that I want to get before summer arrives. Bum. I need to work on it harder. I need to work harder on everything. Gah. I am reaching such a stand-still in my life, it sucks big time.

I'm coming to the end of my first year in nursing and I have to say that I am both proud and scared. What if I don't make it past this year? What if..? There are so many things that could go wrong... and I'm afraid my anxiety is kicking in. Or maybe that's just the caffeine talking and the lack of sleep. But I am slightly afraid of how this semester is going to end... I hope and pray that I will pass everything and that my path to nursing will continue as planned. I am crossing my fingers. PLEASE.

Trying to work so hard here... Who knew balance would be difficult to achieve?

Monday, 17 February 2014


Rien de nouvelle.

I'm on my reading week and resolved to work out starting today :) I have five months to get the body I want. And... I'm not going to lie... but, a teeny tiny itty bitty part of me wants to get a smoking body this summer just so I can go post some pictures on my facebook hoping my ex and the girl he cheated on me with would see the picture and know that I did well even after they ruined me for a few months. I know I make it sound so dramatic. But hey, life right?

So please God help me through these next few months of sweet sweet pain and control so I can look smoking and enjoy my summer this year.

I do not feel confident in my skin, I'll admit. But, after having two different guys cheat on you in the past, it kind of takes a toll on your self-worth.

Third time's the charm?
But it's not like I'll be finding him anytime soon, maybe. I'll keep my eyes and heart open, yet guarded. Besides, I'm having too much fun just being friends with a lot of people. Why change that so soon?

I promised myself a special sort of man, and a special sort of man I will get.

Thursday, 13 February 2014


Want to know a secret?

I'm quietly considering going into med school...
I am focusing on finishing nursing school... first and foremost. I do want to be a nurse so badly.
But... if there is a slight chance, a little bit of hope, I would also love to become a doctor.
Both are noble professions, I know :)

I just dream of it okay? And if there was a little ray of hope that I could become one, why not?

So, I plan on graduating as a nurse, then working and paying off my student loans, whilst taking some pre-med classes on the side. Then, when I feel ready, I would take my MCATs and hopefully apply into med school :3

I interned at an oncology clinic when I was sixteen and since then I have been extremely interested in the field. If I can't become a doctor in oncology, then I will most definitely become an oncology nurse.
I'm actually really excited... because this is a dream I can work on now. I know where I'm heading! And, instead on focusing on heartbreak and silly little boys... I could focus on being a better person and maybe one day I could help find the cure for cancer... right? It makes me feel better when I put my problems into perspective... I really would rather help people rather than focus on myself. Funny how selfish I have been. Funny how unselfish I could be by finally focusing on helping other people wholeheartedly.

Saturday, 1 February 2014


I still miss you. Today moreso than any other day. I try to find you in my life, through the smallest means... just so I can miss you a little less. It's not working, but I really wish it did.

Friday, 31 January 2014


恭喜发财 Gong xi fa cai ♡ A prosperous, healthy, happy, love-filled new year to everyone  Happy New Year of the Horse!

So, classes have resumed and it's an entirely fresh new start for me this year. I feel so much more different to who I was last year. Is that cheesy? Because, that's exactly how I feel. I can't find a better way to describe it.

I've been studying a lot and I've generally just been figuring out where I need to go for this year ahead. I realized that past hurts mean little when you see yourself a certain way. I've realized that things aren't so bad and it only takes dedication to turn things around.

So here is to a year of more experiences and adventures. Please let this year be an amazing year.

Monday, 6 January 2014


"Without you now, this is what it feels like."

When my Mistake in Montreal ended, this song haunted me. At the end of my day, I would get into my car and this song would play. No matter what time my day ended, it's there, waiting for me in the car. As if I needed a reminder of how I don't have him anymore. As if I needed a reminder that my life is lacking his presence. As if I needed it drilled into my head. Out of all the songs out there, this is the one.

Sunday, 5 January 2014


God grant me the Serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can;
and Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; 
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.


Saturday, 4 January 2014


I know I may not have started the year as beautifully as I would have originally wanted to. But I have 361 more days to change how I feel about this year. So you could say I've still got time.

I have some keywords for myself this year; strength, grace, class, compassion, peace, serenity, beauty, and success.

Thursday, 2 January 2014


This year, I decided to make 6 New Year's Resolutions:

1. Tone my body.
2. Be vegetarian for a month.
3. Save money; accumulate at least  $1,000 in bank, and at least $500 in bear bank.
4. Get a tattoo and piercing.
5. Not fall in-love.
6. Pass all of my courses.

But so far, this year, all I have ever really accomplished was nothing. I fell asleep at a reasonable hour last night after the countdown. Then I watched Disney's Hercules and fell asleep to that. Then I spent all of January 1st sleeping and then binging on Drop Dead Diva episodes. What a life.

After my Mistake in Montreal, I somehow used my pain and anger to push myself to doing things that would help me move on. I got a thirst for doing things such as racing, shooting guns, motorcycle riding, travelling, and other stuff that I kept pushing to the back of my list because of certain previous distractions.

I have five months to tone up. If I can control my body, I can control anything.
So if I feel lost right now, hopefully that lost feeling will go away once I have control of my body? If that makes any sense whatsoever.


Saturday, 28 December 2013


I want sunrise in Peru, Vespa rides in Rome, love-making in Paris, wine in Santorini, sunbathing in Casablanca, strolling in Phuket, and beautiful midnight walks on the beaches of Bali. I want the most beautiful red roses at the touch of my fingertips everywhere I go. I want my passport to be so used that it begins to fall apart in some places. I want my eyes to have seen so many different places. I want my heart to have loved -for a day, for a couple of weeks, or even forever. I want my hands to have run through the whitest of sands on the most exotic beaches. I want my tongue to have practiced speaking in different languages. I want a simple life complexified only by the most interesting of occurrences just to keep me on my toes. I want passion. I want red.

Monday, 16 December 2013


"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."
                                                                   -Albus Dumbledore

Think about it.

Tuesday, 10 December 2013


"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, despite the time, the place, despite the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangled, but can never be broken."

One story featuring the red string of fate involves a young boy. Walking home one night, a young boy sees an old man standing beneath the moonlight (Yue Xia Lao). He explains to the boy that he is attached to his destined wife by a red thread. Yue Xia Lao shows the boy his destined wife, a young girl. Being young and having no interest in having a wife, the young boy picks up a rock and throws it at the girl, running away. Many years later, when the boy has grown into a young man, his parents arrange a wedding for him. On the night of his wedding, his wife waits for him in their bedroom, with the traditional veil covering her face. Raising it, the man is delighted to find that his wife is one of the great beauties of his village. However, she wears an adornment on her eyebrow. He asks her why she wears it and she responds that when she was a young girl, a boy threw a rock at her that struck her, leaving a scar on her eyebrow. She self consciously wears the adornment to cover it up. The woman is, in fact, the same young girl connected to the man by the red thread shown to him by Yue Xia Lao back in his childhood.

According to myth, the gods tie an invisible red string around the ankles of men and women who are destined to be soul mates and will one day marry each other. According to Chinese legend, the deity in charge of "the red thread" is believed to be Yue Xia Lao (月下老) (often abbreviated to "Yuelao" [月老]), the old lunar matchmaker god who is also in charge of marriages.

Monday, 9 December 2013


I never thought my dreams of you would turn into nightmares leaving me frightened.
I never thought I'd ever think of you and feel a heaviness in my heart because of fear and pain.
It's been about three months now and I know I'm on my way to getting over you.
But the waves of missing you still come and go. I'll get over you.
Just, please... I pray to God that he'll give me some sort of selective amnesia concerning you.
Stop showing up in my dreams. Stop intruding my thoughts. Stop ever existing in my world.
That's why I gave you four years to leave me alone. I need you to not exist right now.

Sunday, 8 December 2013


"Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?"

Friday, 6 December 2013


Starting over. I think that we all come to this point at least once or twice in our lives. We are all familiar with that need to completely start over again and be a fresher version of ourselves.

I've done this before, I can sure as hell do it again.


Hello, my name is Abigail.

I'm eighteen years old. I was born infected with the travel bug. Bookworm, tea addict, zombie enthusiast. I have a wide range of taste in music. I may surprise you. Personality type: ESFP. Languages: English, French, Spanish, Filipino, literate in Arabic, able to minimally converse in Korean, Japanese, and Chinese.

And for more about me, you'll find out soon enough :)